When the Burden Feels Heavy

November is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. I know what some of you are thinking: “Well, that’s nice, but who’s checking on us?”

This is for you if you’re holding everything together. You manage the household. You make the decisions. You initiate the hard conversations. You serve as the spiritual leader, the emotional anchor, the one who remembers everyone’s needs except your own.

Let’s be honest about something we don’t say out loud. Many of us are attached to men who are different. Different from the fathers and grandfathers we remember. Men who don’t lead the way we expected. Men who struggle to communicate, who aren’t as intentional, responsible, or emotionally present as we need them to be.

If you’re a mother, you might look at the young men you raised and wonder where things went sideways. If you’re a wife, you might look at your husband and wonder what his mother was thinking. The mental load exhausts you.

The disappointment sits heavy. The frustration runs deep.

You’re not alone in this. We just don’t talk about it publicly enough to realize how many of us share the same boat.

Can I be vulnerable with you for a moment?

I have conversations with my covenant sisters that would probably break the internet if I shared them publicly. You know the ones I mean. The sisters who’ve seen you at your worst and still show up with your favorite food and wisdom. The level of honesty in those conversations? The authenticity? The questions we’ve asked God?

Listen. If you’ve ever found yourself in a moment of pure exasperation, looking up and asking, “Lord, WHY did You create man? Like, what was the purpose? Was the garden not enough? Couldn’t Eve just have a really good girlfriend and some hobbies?” You’re in good company.

I know some of you gasped just now. The rest of you are nodding so hard your neck hurts.

These conversations with my sisters are sacred, hilarious, and brutally honest. We laugh until we cry. Then we cry until we laugh again. We share the stories we can’t post on Facebook. The moments that would make people clutch their pearls. The struggles that are too real for Instagram captions.

Somewhere between the venting, the tears, and the “Girl, let me tell you what he did THIS time,” we find strength. We find perspective. We remember we’re not crazy. We’re just tired. And we remember that God has a sense of humor. He definitely had to when He decided we’d need each other to survive loving these men.

I won’t give you the full unfiltered version of those conversations. I don’t think ya'll could really handle that level of transparency. And honestly, what happens in the group chat stays in the group chat.

But I will say this: if you’ve ever questioned God’s design, His timing, or His sense of humor when it comes to the men in your life, you’re more normal than you think.

Here’s what many people don’t realize. Men’s mental health isn’t just a men’s issue. It directly impacts every woman connected to them.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, men face specific challenges. They are less likely to seek mental health treatment than women. They are more likely to use unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse. They are at higher risk for suicide, with rates three to four times higher than women.

When the men in our lives are struggling mentally and emotionally, whether they acknowledge it or not, we feel it. We live with it. We often compensate for it. Their silence becomes our burden. Their emotional unavailability becomes our loneliness. Their lack of leadership becomes our exhaustion.

I know you’re tired. I know you’ve already extended grace a thousand times. I know your patience has been tested beyond what you thought possible. But here’s what I want to encourage you with today.

If God has called you to walk alongside a man in any capacity, as a wife, mother, sister, grandmother, or friend, He called you there for a purpose. You are needed. You are valuable. Your presence matters more than you know.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

The race was not given to the swift. This season won’t last forever, even when it feels endless.

Can we be real? Our tongues haven’t always been gentle. Our tone hasn’t always been patient. Our frustration has sometimes overshadowed our love. We’re human. We’ve contributed to the dysfunction in ways we might not fully see. There’s still room for us to grow. Still room to show up differently. Still opportunities to extend the kind of love that transforms rather than criticizes.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)

So what does this look like practically?

• Create safe space for honesty. Many men don’t know how to articulate what they’re feeling. Instead of asking “What’s wrong?” try “I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” Then actually be present without judgment.

• Acknowledge the pressure they’re under. Even when they’re not handling it well, men today face unique pressures. Economic uncertainty, shifting gender roles, and the weight of expectations they may not know how to meet.

• Suggest support without shame. “I think talking to someone could really help you” can be framed as strength, not weakness. Normalize therapy, counseling, and mental health support.

• Set boundaries while showing love. You can love someone deeply and still protect your own peace. Compassion doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior or sacrificing your mental health for theirs.

• Pray specifically. “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16) Pray for their minds, their hearts, their purpose, and their healing. Even when you’re frustrated with them.

To the mothers wondering where you went wrong. You didn’t fail. You raised your sons in a world that’s confused about masculinity, that celebrates the wrong things, and that often lacks positive male role models. You did your best with what you knew.

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

The seeds you planted are still there. Trust God to do what only He can do.

To the wives feeling alone. I see you carrying the weight of two people. I see you making decisions solo that should be made together. I see you being strong when you’re actually exhausted.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

Your worth isn’t determined by his functionality. Your calling doesn’t depend on his readiness. Keep showing up as the woman God called you to be. Let Him handle the rest.

I can’t promise you it’ll change overnight. I can’t guarantee he’ll suddenly become everything you need him to be. But I can tell you that God wastes nothing. Every prayer, every act of patience, every moment of grace. He’s using it all.

Hang in there, sister. You’re stronger than you know. You’re more valuable than you realize. You’re not walking this road alone.

The month may be about men’s mental health. But let’s be honest. Someone needs to check on the women holding everything together too.

You matter. Your mental health matters. Your peace matters.

And on the days when you wonder if God even sees you? He does. He’s not finished yet.

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not lose heart.” (Galatians 6:9, ESV)

I’d love to hear from you: How are you really doing? What’s one thing you need encouragement about today? Drop it in the comments. Let’s support each other.