When Adventure Looks Different Than Expected

They say April showers bring May flowers, but honey, May came through looking more like a monsoon than a gentle spring rain. I don't know if it was the actual weather, because Lord knows we had our share of gloomy days, or if it was just the spiritual climate I found myself navigating. Either way, May decided to test every ounce of faith I thought I had stored up.

Let's talk about Mother's Day, shall we? Because if there's one day that can send you into an emotional tailspin faster than a toddler having a meltdown in Target, it's this one. The day itself ended up being beautiful, but chile, the days leading up to it? That's where the enemy tried to set up camp in my mind.

I'm out here juggling complicated feelings about my own experiences with mothers, forgiving my bio mom, making excuses for the relationship with my adopted mom, building something beautiful with my mother-in-law, and praying my own kids will extend grace to their imperfect mama. It's exhausting trying to untangle all those emotions while just trying to live in the present moment.

But isn't that the thing about healing? It's messy, it's layered, and it doesn't follow a convenient timeline.

Mr. and Mrs. Travane and JulieAnne Noble

This month brought pure joy when my sister-in-love got married. Y'all, she was absolutely radiant, and as I walked down that aisle as part of her wedding party, I was transported back to my own wedding almost 18 years ago. Standing there, I could hear the echo of vows Josh and I made, "for better or for worse", and realized God has finally allowed our "for better" days to bloom after years of enduring some really tough "for worse" seasons.

One day, I believe Josh and I need to sit down and have a real conversation about our marriage journey, the kind that doesn't sugarcoat the struggle or pretend love is always butterflies and romance novels. Because there's not enough truth in this world about what marriage actually costs beyond the wedding day. It costs pride, it costs selfishness, it costs the luxury of always being right. But what you gain? A partnership that can weather any storm and celebrate every victory together.

Marriage isn't about finding someone who completes you, it's about choosing someone you're willing to grow with, fight for, and forgive repeatedly. The vows we take aren't just pretty words; they're a covenant that says, "I'm choosing you even when choosing you is hard."

My man, my man, my man and I

That wedding weekend became even more special because it brought family from everywhere to gather in one place. For the first time, all the grands, great-grands, and great-great-grands were together. Josh and I opened our home to family that weekend, and y'all, my soul was so full I thought it might overflow.

Having our home filled with the laughter, stories, and chaos of family has always been a prayer of ours. This house isn't just where we live, it's a testimony to God's provision and His promise to give us peace and purpose. When God blessed us with this space, we wrote a family faith statement because we wanted to be intentional about what this new chapter would represent.

We declared that like cotton plants (get it, cotton(en)) growing from tiny seeds into abundant harvests, our family would grow and flourish in ways we couldn't yet imagine. We committed to putting down deep roots, creating a welcoming space where others could find rest and renewal, and embracing every adventure God had prepared for us. That weekend, watching our home become exactly what we'd prayed for, felt like watching God paint a promise in real time.

Speaking of adventures, let me tell you about this past week. God told me the word for our family and for Unashamed Inc. for 2025 was "An Adventure Awaits." We're almost halfway through the year, and honey, it has been ALL of that and then some.

The funding climate for nonprofits right now? It's rough out here. Government changes are affecting so many organizations, and I've been honestly stressed about what God's desire is for Unashamed. Is this just a hard season, or is it the end of a season? Last week, I was mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausted from asking those questions on repeat.

So I did what any reasonable person would do, I gave it all to God and let Him sit me down. Y'all, I literally could not do anything but rest. I left my house once the entire week, and that was just for an hour to meet a new mentee. But wouldn't you know it? That was the day God used that precious girl to remind me of my why and that giving up wasn't the flex... yet.

I had already told myself that I would not take this girl on as a new mentee, mostly because I was asking God about shutting the doors of Unashamed and I already knew she was going to be a tough journey to walk based on her history. I wasn't sure if I had the capacity or the resources to really do life with her. But when she came from behind the locked doors, she asked, "Are you Sana?" Before I could respond or stand, she kneeled down and threw herself into my arms. I had no choice but to embrace her. She said, "I read your book, I heard about what you do through Unashamed and the Imagine Me program, and I am excited you're going to be on my team."

Y'all, I almost broke down, because how could I say no? This is what Unashamed was created for. Then yesterday I received a message from one of our students in our ETV program. She sent me pictures of her at her college graduation with a message that read, "Thank youuu so muchhh for everything you've done for me these last few months!" Another reminder from God of the work we do at Unashamed.

Sometimes I get discouraged because I'm not sure of the impact we're having on these kids. It gets hard because for every two success stories comes five stories of defeat, and I absolutely feel like I'm failing these kids. But then God sends me reminders like these, moments that whisper, "Keep going, because one life changed is worth it all."

We're not called to save everyone; we're called to be faithful with the ones He places in our path. Every seed planted matters, even when we can't see the harvest. Sometimes the greatest victory is simply showing up, being present, and letting them know they're not alone in their struggle.

She reminded me there are kids who need Unashamed, and sometimes we just have to thug it out a little longer.

I'm still stressed, I'm still asking questions, but I'm trusting that this is His organization, not mine. As Psalm 37:5 reminds us, "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this."

Sometimes our job isn't to have all the answers, it's to trust the One who does.

I wanted to share this truth because social media will have you believing everyone else is living their best life while you're over here just trying to survive Tuesday. That's not reality, sis. Life is challenging so many of us right now with decisions we don't want to make, consequences we didn't see coming, and calls on our lives we don't feel qualified to answer.

We're seeking God daily for wisdom and strength while trying to show up for everyone else. And you know what? That's okay. That's human. That's real.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I've had to pay serious attention to mine. I've had to give myself permission to not show up the way people expect me to, to rest when I need to rest, and to be honest about where I am instead of where I think I should be.

Now we've entered the last week of May, and here in Connecticut, we haven't really had a spring. It's been wet and cold most of the month, which honestly felt like a perfect backdrop for the spiritual season I've been walking through. But as we head into June, I'm excited about a new month, new opportunities, new surprises from God, a new yes to Him, and a fresh start with hopefully lots of sunshine.

Let me keep it real with y'all for a minute, some of us are walking the line of functional depression, and while we don't talk about it much as Christians because of the fear of being labeled, it's real. I spoke to my therapist about it because I needed to get it out of my mouth and into the light. Visionaries, creatives, and introverts tend to walk this line a lot, and no one ever knows because we've mastered the art of showing up even when we're falling apart inside.

Get some help, friends. Don't be ashamed. There are many people that God used mightily who struggled with depression, David wrote some of his most beautiful psalms from the depths of despair, Elijah asked God to take his life after a major victory, and even Jesus wept and felt overwhelmed. Your struggle doesn't diminish your purpose or the call on your life. It doesn't make you less spiritual or less faithful. Sometimes it makes you more human, more relatable, and more effective in ministering to others who are walking through their own dark seasons.

The enemy wants us to believe that depression disqualifies us from being used by God, but that's a lie straight from the pit. Some of the most powerful testimonies come from people who've learned to trust God not just on the mountain tops, but especially in the valleys. Your breakthrough might be on the other side of your breakdown, but you don't have to walk through it alone.

Here's what I'm learning: life really is an adventure, and every day brings something different. Some days feel like hiking through beautiful mountains with perfect weather and Instagram-worthy views. Other days feel like trudging through muddy valleys in the pouring rain with no clear path ahead.

But both are part of the journey. Both are part of the adventure. Both are opportunities to trust God's guidance and lean into His grace.

So if you're reading this from your own muddy valley moment, know that you're not alone. Know that it's okay to rest when you need to rest, to ask for help when you need help, and to trust that God is still writing your story even when you can't see the next chapter.

The adventure awaits, but sometimes the most courageous thing we can do is sit still and let God remind us who we are and whose we are. Your valley season doesn't disqualify you from your mountain-top calling, it's preparing you for it.

Keep going, beautiful. The story isn't over yet. - xoxox Sana