The Audacity of Perimenopause

Y'all, let me paint you a picture: I am a 42-year-old Black woman who, for the most part, has lived a pretty healthy life. Two C-sections that left me with battle scars worth bearing. One gallbladder that decided it wasn't coming along for the rest of the ride. And a relationship with my body that could best be described as... complicated.

Listen, I have ALWAYS had a heavy menstrual cycle. Since childhood, I dreaded that time of the month like every woman in history. But for me? It was next-level warfare. Extreme cramps that had me folded like origami. THREE super pads simultaneously. A towel protecting my sheets at night. Two pairs of panties. And I STILL had accidents at sometimes the worst possible moments. All this drama for a full seven days each month.

The inevitable happened, I became anemic from all that blood loss. Weak. Exhausted. Just dragging myself through life. I suffered for YEARS. Even after two pregnancies and two abortions (one medical), my cycles didn't change. They actually got worse.

After my last abortion, I had my tubes tied because my pregnancies were high-risk due to a condition called Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy (ICP). Back in the early 2000s, this liver disorder with its intense itching was considered extremely rare. That itching, especially on my palms and feet, would get worse at night. Add dark urine, light-colored stools, and the increased risk of stillbirth or newborn respiratory distress, pregnancy was a legitimate health crisis for me.

In 2021, I finally had ENOUGH. Having iron infusions every few months that weren't lasting because my cycle would swoop back in and drain me again? No ma'am. I marched into my OBGYN with one goal: a complete hysterectomy.

My doctor suggested trying an endometrial ablation first, a procedure that destroys the uterine lining, before going nuclear with a hysterectomy. And chile, it WORKED. Outside of about two minutes of spotting, my period and those intense cramps completely vanished.

But here's the kicker, all the other symptoms stayed for the party. The fatigue. The mood swings. The emotional outbursts where I'm crying at commercials about paper towels. The pimples that show up like they're paying rent. The food cravings that have me hunting for chocolate at midnight. Every. Single. Month. Like clockwork.

Over the last year, between my age and body changes, I felt another shift happening. I tolerated it for months until I couldn't anymore. After hearing a friend talk about her low hormone levels, I finally asked my OBGYN to check mine.

I'd been hearing "perimenopause" thrown around, and after some research, I realized those symptoms were giving me a full handshake with introduction. My PCP directed me to my OBGYN, who sent me for bloodwork, and then suggested hormone replacement therapy (HRT).

She initially recommended a low-dose birth control, but with my history of cholestasis? That wasn't an option. So we went with an estradiol patch and 100mg of progesterone nightly. I'm on day 11 and ALREADY seeing results, especially with my sleep. I'm actually sleeping now! Though the dreams are so vivid I feel like I'm directing movies in my sleep.

Let's talk truth about HRT, because nobody else seems to want to:

The Good:

• Sleep! Glorious, actual SLEEP!

• Hot flashes dialing it down from "surface of the sun" to "warm summer day"

• Mood stabilization (my family thanks you)

• Mental clarity that doesn't feel like thinking through molasses

• Energy levels that don't have me contemplating a nap after brushing my teeth

The Bad:

• Those vivid dreams can be exhausting, sometimes I wake up feeling like I ran a marathon

• Finding the right dosage is trial and error

• Having to remember to change my patch (another thing on my to-do list)

• The stigma when you tell people you're on "hormone therapy"

There's something about feeling like you're moving through life in slow motion that makes you take inventory. My body wasn't just whispering anymore, it was SHOUTING that something had to give. The sluggishness wasn't just winter blues; it was becoming my permanent state of being.

A few weeks ago, my mother-in-love invited me to a women's health group. I showed up fully prepared to perfect my "I'm listening but I'm actually making my grocery list" face. But then this doctor started talking about botanicals and vitamins, and suddenly ya girl was taking NOTES. Actually invested. Who am I?

I left with a commitment to myself: start ONE of the three recommendations and see what happens. Just one. Baby steps.

A week and half ago marked day one of the revolution of Sana. Started HRT. Drank actual water. Walked a whole mile. And made a promise to myself: 75 days straight of intentional movement.

This isn't about getting "beach ready" (cause y'all know I don't do sand) or fitting into jeans from a decade ago. This is about honoring the body that's carried me through trauma, through childbirth, through loss, through becoming a young grandmother, through LIFE.

Because here's what I know for sure: I deserve to feel good in my skin, in my body, in my mind, and in my soul.

Not later. Not "when I have time." NOW.

Ladies, why are we so quiet about these things? Why do we suffer in silence, thinking we're alone in these experiences? The shame around women's health, especially around periods, menopause, and our reproductive choices, has got to go.

Our grandmothers and mothers were told to whisper about "women's problems." They hid tampons in their sleeves walking to the bathroom. They suffered through hot flashes with a "just deal with it" attitude.

But not us. Not anymore.

Listen, I need to talk about something serious for a minute. These doctors? Some of them will look you straight in the face and dismiss your symptoms. They'll say you're "too young" for perimenopause or that it's "just stress" or my personal favorite, "have you tried losing weight?"

CHILE, NO.

Perimenopause is REAL. It can start in your 30s and 40s, sometimes even earlier. When I first brought up my concerns, my PCP doctor tried to brush me off. But I came PREPARED when I met with my OBGYN doctor. I had tracked my symptoms in my notes. I had researched. I had talked to other women. And I stood my ground.

Here's what I want you to know: You deserve answers. You deserve options. You deserve a doctor who LISTENS.

If your doctor dismisses your concerns about perimenopause:

• Ask them to note your concerns in your chart

• Request specific hormone testing (and ask for the actual numbers, not just "normal")

• Bring articles or research if you need to

• Get a second opinion (or third, or fourth—whatever it takes)

• Find a doctor who specializes in menopause or women's midlife health

Your symptoms are not in your head. Your experiences are valid. And your health matters.

Every time we speak openly about our experiences, we break down that wall of shame. Every conversation normalizes what is, in fact, completely normal. Your body isn't betraying you, it's changing, and that change deserves respect, attention, and care.

I’ve been documenting this 75-day journey over on TikTok, the good, the bad, and everything in between.

After all, at 42, I've earned the right to reclaim what's always been mine: this magnificent, complicated, changing, aging, POWERFUL, beautifully built (thanks TuTu 😉) body.

The audacity of perimenopause thinking it can slow me down? Please. I'm just getting started.

So tell me, sister-friend, how are YOU feeling in your body today? What's your relationship with this vessel that carries you? Are you listening when it speaks, or are you waiting for it to scream like I did?

Drop a comment below and let's build each other up in this journey. Your story matters. Your experience counts. Your wisdom is needed.

And remember: speaking your truth not only sets you free, it might just be the key that unlocks someone else's cage.