Congratulations to my Baby Daddy!

So, this past week my son's father got married. While I was immediately happy for him and his wife, I would be lying if I said that it didn't absolutely force me to take a journey down memory lane. 

And Chile, it was quite the journey.

I began to think of me, 23 years ago when I met him. I honestly was in a decent place in my life. I was working at Walmart Portrait Studio (y'all remember the portrait studio?? Those matching denim outfits and awkward family poses? Don't act like you don't have at least three of those gems tucked away somewhere). I had a little boyfriend I was talking to at Central Connecticut State University and just being a normal, young 17-year-old. Yet, my mind wasn't at peace, I wasn't happy, I didn't feel seen. When my cousin called me to introduce me to a friend of hers, I jumped at the chance because it was new, and he lived in my hometown of Bridgeport.

Looking back now, I think: mannnn if only I would have said, "Nah, I'm good." 

If only I knew that things were about to become way worse. The next few years would become the lowest of my life. Not because of him, but because of me.

Because I didn't know how to expect more.

Because I didn't know my worth or value.

Because I wanted someone to see me.

Because I wanted someone to love me.

Because I thought I could change a man (Lord, why do we keep thinking this is possible? Has ANY woman in the history of EVER actually changed a man? No ma'am. No ma'am.)

The list goes on and on like a CVS receipt.

I knew many times that I needed to leave him alone, but I just couldn't. God gave me so many ways of escape and yet I stayed, clutching onto something that wasn't even fully formed, let alone meant for me.

The truth is, that man was not created for me. I was not created for him. Yet I didn't love myself, I didn't value myself, shoot, I didn't even know myself. I thought a man would save me, he would fill up all the holes in my heart, but of course that was a lie. 

Listen to me, beautiful. If you're reading this and you're in that position where you can't see past what's right in front of your face because you're "in love", honey, that's not love. That's fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of starting over. Fear that maybe, just maybe, this is as good as it gets.

That fear is a liar with a PhD in deception.

When I look at my life and where I am now after the day I finally left him 20 years ago, I can't even imagine who I would be, or if I would even be today. I am so grateful that I didn't, no, I am so grateful that GOD didn't allow me to waste another day of my life in something that was depleting my soul faster than my phone battery on TikTok.

To my beautiful, unashamed women who find themselves desiring to be loved so bad that you are settling for what you know you don't deserve…get out, get away, get gone. You deserve more. 

The relationship you're clinging to might feel like a life raft, but baby girl, it's an anchor. And it's pulling you down into depths you were never meant to explore.

Your heart wasn't designed to be a renovation project for a man who doesn't even own proper emotional tools. Stop letting someone practice on you when you're meant to be a masterpiece.

And please understand, leaving doesn't make you a quitter. It makes you brave. It makes you wise. It makes you a woman who finally understands that sometimes walking away is the strongest step forward you'll ever take.

Here is what I have come to realize. I am an absolutely amazing woman, a beautiful anomaly (check out my last blog for more context here). God has given me a presence that will leave a profound impact on any man I come into contact with, but it was only meant to transform, shift, and elevate one: my husband. The one I was created for, the one who was created for me. 

I am a gift. The one for me was built to be able to withstand all of the plots of the enemy, to hold space for me and all that comes with me.

Think about it this way, would you take a Tiffany diamond and try to force it into a plastic bubble gum machine setting? Would you take a custom-made gown and try to stuff it into a dollar store gift bag? Would you plant a rare orchid in dry, barren soil?

Then why are you trying to force your priceless self into relationships that were never designed to hold your value?

One of the most transformative practices in my journey was learning to stand in front of the mirror and truly love the woman looking back at me. Every curve, every stretch mark, every scar, physical and emotional, that tells the story of where I've been. 

Look at yourself, sis. Really look. Those eyes that have cried oceans but still shine with hope. Those hands that have held onto things too long but were still strong enough to finally let go. That heart that's been broken but continues to beat with purpose and passion.

Love it all. Every single piece of you, flaws and all. Because those "flaws" are just evidence that you've lived, you've fought, you've survived. They're not imperfections, they're your story written in the language of resilience.

And let me speak to my beautiful souls who have built walls so high they can't even see the possibility of love anymore. I see you. I was you.

After everything I went through, I had convinced myself that maybe love just wasn't in the cards for me. That maybe my purpose was elsewhere, and that was okay. I had my child, my purpose, my faith, I was good.

But listen to me closely, don't give up on love. When done with the right person, the one God actually designed for you, it can change your whole life and heal the deepest depths of your soul. We were made to love and be loved. That's not just a nice saying; it's the blueprint of our hearts.

The right love doesn't drain you, it replenishes you. It doesn't dim your light, it helps you shine brighter. It doesn't make you question your worth, it celebrates it daily in ways you never even thought to ask for.

Don't waste your gift on someone who doesn't deserve to open it. 

As Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." I'd add: and when God shows you who YOU are, believe Him every time.

So here's to my baby daddy and his new wife. I genuinely wish them happiness. And here's to me, for finally understanding that sometimes the most beautiful part of your story isn't who comes into your life, but who you become when you stop waiting for someone else to write your chapters.

And that, my friends, is worth celebrating way more than any wedding.

Straightens crown and sets timer for the next chapter of greatness